Where can I go...?

Have you ever been in a lousy situation? One that takes you to a place of surrender and you break into pieces as if the glue holding you together just ceased to exist? Maybe you've felt as if everyone had abandoned you and you had no one to turn to for advice or comfort? 

And no, I'm not talking about your husband telling you to choose which kind of cake you want for your birthday... It's deeper than that. 

A little over two years ago I found myself in the midst of what felt like World War III with my heart. I made the choice to walk away from the only thing that kept me together. I walked away from the old me but more importantly, I walked away from God. I found myself giving into temptations or falling short of who I once was and it happened so fast to where I didn't see it approaching. This weight hit my shoulders and I gave up. 

I was in a battle between the old me and the me that I was becoming; I hid it well. Just like all of my problems, I tucked it into my back pocket and forgot about it for days. I just sat there while a war raged in my heart. Was it the fact that I felt helpless? I don't know. I often found myself weeping and asking God why He had left me in the midst of turmoil when in reality, I was the one who walked away.  

“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me.”

~Psalms 139:7-10

The Lord doesn't walk away. 

When you're in the midst of turmoil, or you feel as if nothing makes sense anymore, God is with you. 

He's with you in the grocery store; He's with you when you drop your kids off at the bus stop. He's with you when you don't feel Him at all. He's reaching out for you. He's waiting for you to cry out to Him. He wants you to realize how much you need Him. He is with you in the ICU or when you just don't know what to do. He's also with you when you're making the decision of which cake to eat on your birthday...

 Call out to Him and He will catch you. 

You can't hide from the Love of God... So run to it. 

Something About That Place...

There's something about their smiling faces that light up a room... There's something about the way they hold your hand. There's something about their laugh or the way they try to communicate with you. There's something about the way their eyes light up when you mention the word "food". 

There's something about knowing they have close to nothing but are still grateful for it! 

There's something about the dirt that flies in your face when they drive. There's something about the dirt roads and the tin roofs... There's something about the the concrete walls and the multicolored fences. There's something about the way they yell "bluh" or "white" as we drive down the road. 

There's something about the country of Haiti that leaves a mark on my heart. 

                  It's different... 

       What's different; you may ask. 

 

       I can honestly say that I don't know. 

Was it the way they worshiped? Hands raised, eyes closed, without a care of who was watching? 

                   Maybe... 

Or was it the way they prayed? All lifting their voices at the same time, knowing that God was going to hear every single word? 

Or maybe it was just the Holy Spirit working as He always does... He was working... There's no doubt about it. 

It could have been all of the above, but I know for a fact that this trip will cease to evacuate my memory for the rest of my life. 

                  • Five Orphanages 

                  • One Feeding Program

                  • One Morning at Ishmaels (kids program) 

                  • Five Hotel Visits (just to look) 

                  • One Teen Center/School

                  • One Overlook and Museum

                  • Multiple Markets

                  • And Eight Church Services............

I say eight church services because I feel as if wherever we went we learned something new about our Creator or we sang and worshipped our Savior. 

God was with us the entire trip; I felt Him in the Orphanages, in the church services... I could feel Him in the car rides and the walks to the market. I could feel Him in the feeding program and the Teen Center and I could feel Him in the hotel visits and at the overlook... I COULD FEEL HIM! And I still can. 

This week God has made evident the fact that my life is not my own and that's how it's supposed to be... And that's okay. I don't have to know what's going to happen every second of everyday. My plans may fall through but I rest assured that God's plans never do... My plans may not be God's plans and I'm okay with that. 

            "My mission belongs to The Lord. With all my heart I give my energy and my time      

       to the Master because I Love Him. Therefore, I'm going to look at everyday not as mine, 

                                                                but as His!" 

            "The place God calls you to is where your deep gladness and the world's deep 

                                                            hunger meet." 

                                                    ~ Frederick Buechner 

I Refuse to Sink

Life is a constant battle... It's a constant change; a mist that appears one day and vanishes the next.

 Through the last couple months a lot has changed in my life and it's continuing to change. I'm getting older and even though it doesn't seem possible I'm getting wiser as well. This year feels like it just began but it ceases to be an uphill battle. 

-I withdrew from the school that I thought I was going to graduate from. 

-I had to say goodbye to my family for 2 months. 

-I am soon to quit my job in two months. 

-And I'm moving seven hours away from what I have called home for 16 years of my life... 

Even though it seems overwhelming at points I am thankful for what God has given me... I REFUSE to sink into the depression that consumes many lives around me. I have many things to be blessed with; I refuse to look at the downs in life and never see the good. I refuse to live this life and not live it to the fullest that God intended it to be. What is life if we just stare at the destruction and occasionally glance at the blessings? We become the depression that entangles our hearts. We are in charge of our emotions; we are in charge of the way certain things change us. We have to change and stare at the blessings and meditate on them and constantly thank God for the good AND the bad. Only glance at the face of your trials and tell them that you have a BIG God. Make them run and hide. 

God has given me so much. I have a boyfriend who cares about me and knows how to make me smile when all I want to do is cry. God has shown me that family is everything and without them I wouldn't have anything. I have an amazing church family who supports me. And I have amazing friends that love me and help me stay sane. So I refuse to make my troubles an anchor in my life. I don't want to be weighed down by my troubles. I want to look to God and give Him all I have. And that's what I'm going to do. 

What about you? 

Be anxious for nothing.....

"Be anxious for nothing... Be anxious for nothing." (Philippians 4:6) 

I find myself repeating this phrase in my mind as if it's the only thing keeping the sun in its place. I have said these words so many times in the last year that it has become my backbone when situations or the "what ifs" flood my mind. 

We find ourselves stuck in the past or the future, whether it's near or far. We never really look at the here and now; we are too focused on what we did a year ago rather than where we will be in the next minute or even second. We look to five years from now and worry about whether our plans today will be blossomed into what we desire today but we don't realize that most of our minds will change by the next hour. Sure it's good to make plans... But if we aren't seeing the here and now we end up worrying about what may not even happen; we lose sight of the happiness of living in the RIgHT NOw. Our lives become the worry that overwhelms us, and by the time we open our eyes we realize that we've wasted our whole life. 

So what do we do when we are stuck in the midst of a situation? 

Looking down at the waves crashing over us isn't the answer but looking to the one who can ultimately calm the storm is our necessity. We have to cling to Jesus and cling to His promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Especially in the midst of the storm. Even if it's just worrying about what you're going to do for dinner; He is with you. 

Try thinking positively... If you don't think on the good in life you become burnt out and lose sight of what God created you to be. Look to The Lord in whatever you do and He will bless you and you will be abundantly filled with joy. 

Live in the here and now... Not the past or future. 

In the Midst of the Storm be a Paul and Silas

In the Midst of a storm Paul and Silas offered prayer of praises and sang hymns to The Lord. 

"But at midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them." (Acts 16:25)

In the midst of their trials they looked to God. They didn't give up on God just like God wouldn't give up on them. They believed wholeheartedly that God was with them and that no matter what happened God would get them through this. 

We see in verse 26 that Paul and Silas' faith and their looking to The Lord freed them...

"Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone’s chains were loosed." (Acts 16:26)

We see the full power of God in just a couple verses. They Saw God and Sought God in the midst of their trial and God set them free from all of their bonds that kept them in that prison cell. 

Do you ever look at this story and think that maybe... Just maybe we need to re-evaluate our lives when things get tough? We see Paul and Silas sitting in prison with other criminals singing praises to God and praying with all of the faith that they had. They weren't sitting there playing in the dirt... They weren't sitting there complaining. They weren't questioning God. They were PRAISING Him! 

They didn't see the storm that was raging in front of them, they saw the God who walked on water! They saw the man who healed the lame and the sick. They saw the God who is sitting on the throne in Heaven in this very hour! 

We need to re-evaluate our faith in the midst of the storm; I know I do. I am known to have a lot of faith but from time to time I find myself pulling away from what I know God desires and I become terrified and I run away. I find myself complaining and questioning God as if I have the right to question. As if I have the right to complain about where He has put me. 

I don't have the RIGHT. 

This world is lacking many Paul and Silas'... We turn our backs from the God who can bring us through and we cry and blame all of our misery on Him. Let me tell you that God is NOT the cause of all of our misery in times of trouble; we are! 

What if we all looked to God instead of at the storm? What if we looked to the one who can carry us through? I find that we will be happier. 

It says in Philippians 4:6-7

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

I don't want to be a Megan... I don't want to be scared or anxious. I want to be made new! I don't want to be the old me. I want to be LIKE Christ in everything I do. I want to run this race for Christ. I want to stop turning my face from God and pushing Him away! I want my FAITH to outweigh my anger! I want my LIFE to shine the LIGHT of Jesus and who HE is! And the Good thing about this is that we CAN be happy in the midst of trials because we KNOW the ending! Christ IS coming back and He WILL take His children with Him! And that should be enough to get us through. 

"Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14)

Press towards the calling of God. Look to Christ and He will renew your strength. He is there in times of trouble and He is there in times of happiness... He is there! All we have to do is look to Him fully and He will break our chains and loose our bonds! Become a Paul and Silas for The Lord. 

For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. (Philippians 1:21)

"Close your eyes and it'll all go away..."

"Close your eyes and it'll all go away..."

We tend to use this phrase/action for most situations... 

We see a bully push a child down and we turn our backs and pretend it never happened... 

We turn on the news and see the destruction happening overseas; even in our own country and we turn it off and go about our lives as if our world is perfect and put together. 

We see the orphan and think that we don't have the skill or the money to bring in the one who has lost all that they've had and have been abandoned by all they truly loved. We turn our eyes and take care of our own as if they are not our brothers and sisters as well...

We look at our sinful lives and acknowledge we have a problem but when someone tries to help us we deny every aspect and close our eyes to the brokenness that's left behind. 

We read about Jesus' death. We see it in movies and pictures but we close our eyes because the PAIN that He went through is TOO MUCH for US to bare... 

But one thing that ALL of these have in common is that they are all right under our noses and we turn our eyes away and say that it never happened.... But IT DID HAPPEN and it's happening RIGHT NOW! 

If we keep turning our eyes away sooner or later we become that BULLY. We become the cause of all of this DESTRUCTION. We are those ORPHANS in need of love and hope. We become the SIN that so easily ENSNARES us. 

But JESUS is the one who carries us through the murky waters! He's the one to push us through and gives us the COURAGE to confront that bully, to find a solution or the means to help the destruction overseas and in our country... He gives us the desire to love every single orphan and love all of them to the extent that Jesus loved us... He took away punishment of sin and He's giving us the liberation from those burdens and sins that weigh us down. 

He carried us to Calvary but he didn't put us on the cross... He put Himself on the Cross... A SINLESS man. 

We need to step out onto the waters and have faith that God will lead, protect, provide, and always be right beside you. Keep your eyes on the Cross; keep your head above the waters. God's hand will always be there to hold on to; never let go and He will carry you through...

New Years Resolutions??

As the old passes away and the "new" unfolds as we start bringing in the new year... Whether it's with weight loss goals or trying to quit that habit that you tried last year but you could never really accomplish it because the stress was unbearable. 

I want to encourage you to let go of all of your "New Years Resolutions"; throw them away (go ahead, sing the song. 🎶Let it go, let it go...🎶). But seriously, making a list of New Years resolutions is just a list unless you actually act on them. I feel as if the phrase "New Years Resolutions" is just a term we use to make ourselves feel productive. Instead of saying New Years Resolutions try using the phrase Set in Stone Life Alturnating goals (I know... It's a weird phrase. I just made it up on the spot). 

We need to re-evaluate the outlook on life. Look deeper into ourselves and see the changes that we need to make for the betterment of ourselves and the people around us. I'm talking physically, mentally, and spiritually. 

I look back on this past year and see unfinished goals. I desired to be in the Word of God everyday but I confess that that didn't happen. I desired to look at all of the blessings in my life and tried to take account of what I was thankful for. It worked for awhile but as humans we lose sight of what really matters. We need to reach out and grab what's right in front of us. We need to pray that God would show us the change that we need to be in this world; show us the Christians He intended for us to be. I know that life gets in the way and we forget to pray for that fast food McDonalds meal or we forget to read our Bibles but God knows that we are not perfect. He knows what we deal with each and everyday. Trying as hard as possible to get it right but in reality it's almost impossible to get it right in a wrong world. 

I'm not saying that all of our "Set in Stone Life Alturnating goals" are impossible to achieve... I want you to actually desire it deep down in your heart to become a better person for our Lord Jesus Christ! Whether it's sitting down with your kids before school or work and reading a chapter of the Bible or praying with your spouse before you go to bed. Pray constantly that God would show you where He would have you change and explore some way that you can make those Life Goals made into Life Changing goals. 

If you have any Life Changing goals that you have either experienced or desire to accomplish over this next year please feel free to comment below or what they are and how you desire to work through them. Or if you just need some advice ask me :) 

Prayer Requests?

I'm going to attempt something different with this blog post... I know many people read my blog posts and I am very thankful for all of you but this time I want to hear from my readers and pray for you. 

If you are reading this right now and are going through something and you want me to pray for you I don't want you to be afraid to let me know. I want to be here for you and pray for you. There is absolute POWER in prayer. You do not have to tell me anything you do not want to post... A simple period or anything that God puts on your heart to comment. Anything works. Unspoken, spoken, or any words of wisdom you would like to share.... Anything. We can post and pray for each other. Let's start a prayer chain throughout blogspot. 

We cannot handle our problems on our own; not without God. 

Jeremiah 29:11

We all know the Bible verse Jeremiah 29:11 

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11 ESV)

We use this verse as a calming thought when in distress and saying, "oh, it'll all be okay. God has a plan for my life so I just need to live life and see where it goes..." That is what it looks like when you read the verse by itself but when you read from before that verse it says that God sent the Israelites into captivity. They were pleading for God to release them... You read on and find out that this verse was a part of a letter that Jeremiah prophesied from God to the Israelites saying, "Yes, I sent you here but I have a plan for your life." We read on to find that in the next few verses it says, "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile." (Jeremiah 29:12-14 ESV)

The whole meaning changes... We cannot just go through life stating Jeremiah 29:11 as a ritual we do every single morning and night. It's not something to just be said. It's something that we must live out, and pray out in our everyday life. If we put our whole life, prayers and meditation into desiring God's plan for our life, we will find it. If we look for God we will find Him and when our will lines up with God's will, you will find that you are in the right place. He will deliver you. You will feel it and know because when God gets you to where He intends for you to be it is ultimately astonishing and everything changes. 

To China and Beyond

At approximately 3:40 this morning we loaded up a friends car and headed to drop my parents off at the airport. They received their travel approval, Visas, and so much more within a matter of weeks. It has been a stressful but spiritually rewarding all in the same time. During these past few weeks I have seen God work in so many ways, and He still is. 

Day after day and week after week as this day approached I didn't really think of what responsibilities I would be up against. But as this day approached questions fogged my mind and I became fearful. What would happen if my parents didn't come back? What if something happened to any of my siblings? What would I do? God showed me that no matter what happens He is sovereign and is in control. He made all of this possible. And as my parents are away I do have responsibilities... I have to make sure my brother gets fed, dressed, and dropped off at his friends house while me and my siblings are working. I have these responsibilities but I know that no matter how hectic life is for the next two and a half weeks my God will be walking right along next to me as well as my parents all the way across the world. I named this blog "To China and Beyond" because I strongly believe that this will not end in China. Throughout our family we have different callings for each and every one of us. Whether it's right next door, or across the other parts of the world or United States. These kids stories will live on forever, and so will ours. 

DAY 1 UPDATE ON JON: Jon woke up this morning crying for our mom; I walked in and he had tears running down his face and it took everything inside of me not to cry. Looking at this little boy through a big sisters eyes, you cannot really imagine having a hard life like a two year old who was abandoned by his biological mother at the age of one. You have to think of his needs and what is best for him before you even think about yourself. Having this little boy in our lives has been a huge blessing and has grown me  in ways that I never thought possible and now I have a baby sister on the way and I can only imagine what all that will entail. Jon was a strong little boy today and did wonderful for everyone that watched him. Thank you all for your prayers!!! 

My God gives and takes away <3

There's a song by Kutless called, "I'm Still Yours". It talks about how if God were to come and give one everything and suddenly take it all away; what would we do? Would we totally turn our backs from Him and reject Him? Or would we continue to fall towards His grace and mercy and let Him hold us and comfort us? Would God be enough for us? 

Two Christmas's ago we received devastating news saying that my great grandma had died unexpectedly. In that moment, everything in me broke down and it felt as if all that I had, had been ripped away from me. I questioned God, asking Him why... Why did He have to take my great grandmother away from me? 

It wasn't until a couple months ago when a dear friend past away, did I realize that no matter what we go through in life... We will always need someone to fall back on. Something that's going to be the rock to keep you up and running. That rock for me is Jesus Christ. 

We lose people in life sometimes... It's apart of life. We all have our time... For us that are still on earth, God is still trying to use. Our life is not up because our lives haven't really started yet. We question God but God wants to know; when are we going to start questioning ourselves... When will we try to see why God took that person from us? When will we see the bigger picture? Our lives are worth everything to God... Why do you think He put us here in the first place?

Sometimes God gives us everything and starts taking those blessings away to see how we will react... He wants to see that our faith is strong enough to trust that He has a plan and we are apart of that plan... The question is... Will you trust God to comfort you and to hold you? Or will you turn away from God and put your trust in yourself? Ultimately, one will remain for eternity and one will die off. What will you do when heart break hits you? 

What is Love?

The past few days I have found myself thinking about different aspecs of my life. One that kept popping up was the fact that I am lonely... I am eighteen years old and I am single. 

I found that the more I thought about it the more I felt bad about myself and all of my past and present insecurities ran through my mind, "Why doesn't anyone love me?" "Am I not pretty enough?" 

You see, we have this human mantality that says we have to have a significant other by our side at all times. And if we don't, we aren't important. But let me tell you; most, if not all, relationships that have that mantality do not last. They use each other to say, "yeah he's my boyfriend" or "yeah she's my girlfriend." They don't have love. And if you don't love then why have a relationship with that person? 

What does love mean in the human dictionary? In our dictionary, Love means an intense feeling of deep affection. But I am here to tell you that, for me, love is different. Love is putting another's needs before your own. Love is someone giving up or delaying all of their wants and desires to help the other achieve their dreams. It's noticing the others flaws and being with them anyways. 

As I was thinking about this, I realized that there is only one person in my life that has given there life for mine. And that person was Jesus Christ. He gave up his life for us. He made me and you with all of our flaws and insecurities... As He was on that cross, blood running down His body, He was thinking of you and of me. He gave up His life so that we could have EVERLASTING life. And I realized that I don't need someone standing by my side at all times because God is standing beside me, I front of me, behind me, and He is inside of me. Jesus is love. 

I have love on the inside... What more do I need? 

Life Lessons

    Another day, another week, another month, another year.... Time is what you make it. We go, too often, through life watching the time pass away, but we never see all of the life that we're throwing away. The hands are ticking as the days are passing by and we look back and wonder where did it all go? You have to grab your life by the hands and your heart by the string and turn the years, months, weeks and days back to where they became yours. Time is what you make of it so make it worth it.
    

    The words my mother always spoke to me, came racing through my mind; "Never give up. You have to keep going."
When I was younger, I had trouble concentrating. Every which way I turned, I would find myself daydreaming or attentive to everything I shouldn't have been paying attention to. I would find myself giving up and my mom would find herself telling me the same thing over and over again; "Never give up, you have to keep going."
   I struggled with this constantly and I still do. I would sit on my grandparents' couch while my mom tried to teach me my vowels and consonants. I would start to zone out and my mom would start snapping her fingers to catch my attention.

  "Megan!" She yelled. "Focus!"
The frustration overwhelmed me and I began to cry. I always felt like my mom never understood me. I desired to quit as much as the sun desires to shine.
  "Who cares about vowels and consonants anyway?" I exclaimed.
   My mother would glance at me. She said something that I hadn't heard her say before; "Giving up is the equivalent to defeat."
   In that moment, my mindset turned completely. I still had the struggle, but I learned to fight against this war raging in my mind.
   I realize now that I wouldn't be where I am today without my mother branding her intelligent words of wisdom into my skull.
   Never give up if you still have something to give.

   They say, "sticks and stones my break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
   From the age of seven to the age of sixteen, I was verbally and physically bullied. I felt as if the whole world around me was continually putting me down; ugly, fat, stupid, worthless. Those words emanated throughout my thoughts. I was the quiet girl sitting in the back of the class with very limited friends. I was labeled "the freak who never spoke". Kids would push me out of my chair and laugh at me. I came home with bruises on my sides trying to hide them from my parents.
It wasn't until later that I began to fend for myself. I began to regain my confidence and I started to feel satisfied with myself. I realized that an individual shouldn't determine my attitude or the way I feel about myself. I wished that I would have figured that out sooner because I can't go back in time and relive those years. All the time I have is right in front of me.

    In order for my dreams in life to become reality, I need not let others words keep me from achieving  my destiny.
    Sitting in a friends living room, we began to discuss my future.
   "I want to become a missionary nurse in Africa." I exclaimed. She gave me a strange look and began to make excuses for me not to go.
   "Megan, it could be dangerous. You could become sick." She proclaimed.
    In that moment I began to question whether or not I was making the right decision. I realized that no matter what she told me I had this feeling that it was the absolute right decision.
    Life is too short to fear what might be, take a chance.
  

    I used to wish the days away as if they were just items to throw away. I now realize that time is valuable.
   My grandma used to tell me, "Don't wish away your life because the next thing you know; it's gone." I wanted to grow up so much when I was young that I would pray for the day to end. I find that life is precious, and the time we wish away is now useless time spent. I am eighteen now and I wish I had my life back. It was something that I wish I had learned early on. I know I'm still young, but it's only a matter of time until I'm married and have kids of my own. We see the clock and watch the hands move like its a time warp.
    You will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.

Adoption <3

       In 2012 my family started praying about adopting a baby girl from China. Praying for God's provision and trusting that He would move us in the direction that He willed for us. Months later we received a call from a friend saying that a baby boy, living just an hour away, needed a home. Knowing that this was God's will for our family we answered the call and said yes. 

        John William fit in to our family as well as any of us fit in; he was a perfect fit. He has been living with us for he past year and he will, hopefully, become a Malin in the near future. I cannot imagine my life without this little boy. My love for him has grown tremendously. He is now two years old and keeps my mom on her toes. Being very wary, in the beginning, of how this whole "big sister" ing was going to work; I know that this has grown me as a Christian and as a sister. 

         Our China adoption is still in play. We received a call from the China adoption agency with wonderful news. After waiting about 2 years of raising money, paperwork, and fingerprinting; they found a match. Although we still have a ways to go in the money raising process, we are ecstatic. With tears in my eyes, I know that this was meant to be. Questions run through my head. But I know that those questions don't matter to God. He is in control and will provide. Piper has a clefe lip/palate. Which causes her not to get the nourishment she needs to grow properly. She is sixteen months and weighs twelve pounds. She also has delayed motor skills. I will love her no matter what. 

          I think back on the beginning of this journey and remember how scared I was. Afraid that none of this would happen or that we wouldn't raise enough funds. But through it all, God has shown me that he is the provider. If it is his will he will make it happen. If you would like to help us in the process of bringing my baby sister home I posted the link to my moms blog down below. You may donate through the "Go fund me" tab. 

http://adoptiontheheartbeatofgod.blogspot.com 

Please keep Piper in your prayers. Thank you all for your support and prayers! Love you all! 

Piper Jade

John William 

You are BEAUTIFULLY you...

This post is for anyone who has ever felt invisible. 

You may feel as if no one listens to you or you are as translucent as the air; no one cares about your hurts or your needs, but I'm here to tell you that you're not alone. Every individual on this earth has felt this way at one moment or another. 

Maybe your the girl that sits in the back of the class or the guy who never gets the girls. You may be glancing at your life as "worthless". Maybe people are telling you that your life is "worthless". Let me tell you something, "worthless" is the new "valued". Don't let others tell you that your not worth it. Those people that tell you that you aren't worth it don't understand. They don't understand how hard you worked to get to where you are today. Your not invisible. 

From the age of seven to the age of sixteen, I was bullied. I was called fat, useless, stupid, crybaby. That was just a few. I was a quiet kid that didn't have very many friends. My confidence was destroyed. They labeled me as a freak and I never stood up for myself. I let them run over me, time after time. I sat in the back of the classroom and didn't talk to anyone. Everytime I tried to open my mouth the words would get caught in the back of my throat because of fear. Fear that I would say something wrong or the fact that they would tell me to shut up or, most of all, ignore me. It began to get worse but I kept a smile on my face to hide the pain. Kids would push me out of my chair or trip me in the hallway. I was afraid to tell my parents. I slowly began to make friends that related to me. We stood up for each other. My confidence started to become my new normal. 

Throughout that period in time I realized something: 

We all have the same insecurities.

The preps, the jocks, the nerds... We all have something that ails us. The side of us that not one person knows about. 

However, there is one man that does already knows about those ailments. And He describes you with one word; B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L. He made you the way that you are. You have to think that not everyone is the same. We all have things that make us feel invisible but one day you will look back on days like today and all of this pain will be invisible. You will see that you shouldn't have worried about what others thought. Stand up for yourself. We have to realize that we are beautiful because we are different. The world would be so bland if we were all the same. You are BEAUTIFULLY you and I am BEAUTIFULLY me. Without our flaws and our insecurities we wouldn't be us. We aren't invisible. We are beautiful. Show others who you are. Be the beautiful person you were made to be. Help them see you for who you are. 

What makes life worth living??

           Many of us ask the question, "What makes my life worth living?" Some say it's their boyfriends or girlfriends, or the fact that we haven't experienced everything on our "to-do" list. For me, it is knowing that God isn't done with me yet. God has a bigger plan for my life and the feeling of knowing that makes my heart grow with excitement.
           Jeremiah 29:11 has been my favorite verse since I was thirteen. It states, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." God's plans for our lives are meant only for the best. He does nothing to hurt us. But on occasion he gives us tests to see if we will succeed in trusting in Him for everything or trusting in ourselves. These tests don't determine where we end up but they test us in a way that we grow in them. All of these tests help direct our path. If we notice God's plan and his will for our life then we will succeed. Other times we see don't recognize or we ignore God and he has to pull us back in.
            Last June I found myself in a hole (figuratively speaking). I had lost my way and all of a sudden I couldn't recognize myself anymore. I lived as if I were in charge of my life and everyone's world revolved around me. My life had been flipped upside down. I felt different on the inside but I looked normal on the outside; I hid it well. I became depressed and blamed all of my problems on others around me. I took all of my struggles into my own hands and told God that I could deal with it by myself.
             One Sunday night I walked into my youth room and I found myself face down on the floor. I looked a round to see what I had tripped over but it was too dark. I tried to get up but it felt like a ton of bricks were weighing me down. I glanced up but there was nothing there. I tried different ways to bring myself up, but it was useless. I began to panick. Not knowing what to do I prayed. In an instant the words, "do not be afraid for I am with you," came to my head. In that moment I knew that God was trying to tell me something. I could feel God sitting next to me, holding me, telling me that everything was going to be okay.
              You see, sometimes God uses different instances in our lives to draw us closer to him. It may not be right away but once he brings you back it is hard to get away from his presence. He is always with you no matter what happens. If you lose your way he brings you back and if you've never experienced the power of God I encourage you to find out. God doesn't care about your past, he cares about your future. He wants to be your father. The one you can go to no matter what. My life is worth living because my God is not done with me yet. I feel as if he is going to take me to places I've never imagined. What makes life worth living for you? And if you don't know, I encourage you to try God. 

A moment I will never forget

Looking at eyes full of hurt, tattered clothes, dirt smudged faces, and smiling lips, I realized my higher calling in life.
The Dominican Republic wasn't on my to-do list the summer of 2013. But now, sitting in an unairconditioned room filled with a hundred kids, full of laughter and singing. My eyes started to water as I thought of their lives and the pain that they go through every single day. They don't seem to realize this agonizing hurt as much as I do. I feel the tears on my cheek and a tug on my t-shirt. I hear the unfamiliar words of a different language. All I can do is smile and say, "todo va estar bien", "it's going to be okay."
         Waking up this morning was one of the hardest moments of this entire trip. It was our last day in this beautiful country. Looking out the window, I felt my stomach clench at the thought of leaving these wonderful people behind. A part of me wanted to handcuff myself to the staircase and "lose" the key. Today's schedule consisted of construction on a young single mothers home. I wasn't expecting what was to come. The emotion, the love, the gratefulness... It was as if she had never experienced anything like this. My heart sank and I held back my tears. We rebuilt her house into a home that people in this country envied. Later on that day, I found myself surrounded by a dozen kids latched on to my legs. Looking down and seeing the difference between my lifestyle and theirs, I remembered earlier that day. Seeing the tattered and torn day to day life that, from the beginning, was their everyday normal. Those children were not the, so called, "poor" ones; I was. The individuals surrounding me had each other and that was all that they needed. In the United States we have iPads, cell phones; something glued to our faces on a daily basis. Observing those kids, I craved what emitted from their presence; love. Sure, I had parents and friends that loved me, but not like this. This love was different. It was as if God was right in front of me, presenting His creation. The very thing that I had never noticed.                                                                                            
  In that moment I realized my higher calling. God hadn't brought me to this country to have a "good time" but to show me the big picture. Individuals around the world live the same life as these wonderful children. They have a longing to be loved. Loved by someone who actually cares about them. I decided that day to strive to share that love with the world, no matter how difficult it may be; this is what I was meant to do.  Life is not about how much money you produce or receiving awards. The journey that you are walking is about touching ones life in a way no one has ever done before and loving every minute of it.

Intro into my Hectic life

       When I contemplated the thought of starting a blog the question occurred to me, "What am I going to write about?" I wanted something that would catch everyone's attention but at the same time make you think. But first, I want to introduce myself to you.

My name is Megan Malin. My life is described in one word; hectic. That so called "hectic" life is my everyday normal and I wouldn't be where I am today without it. This vivacious world that I find myself living each and everyday happens to be the life of seven others as well. My mom, dad, two brothers, two sisters and another sister on the way. My father is a pastor at a local church while my mom is his volunteer secretary. My dad has been a pastor for approximately fourteen years and continues in that same path. My brother is currently attending Pedmont Bible College in North Carolina as he follows in my dad's footsteps to becoming a youth pastor. My two sisters live at home as they work and finish up their schooling. Finally, little two year old John. John has lived with us for a year and we are in the process adopting him and a baby girl from China.

   
          I, on the other hand, am a senior in high school. My whole journey has built me into the young person I am today (yes, I am going to get all spiritual). From state to state and house to house; God is the only thing that has kept me going. At age 9 my dad told us that he felt like God was calling us to the mission field of Australia. After three years he changed our destination to Roswell, Georgia. From Georgia to Michigan and from Michigan back to Florida, all in the source of four years, God really showed me maturity and responsibility and the fact that I was not in control of any of these circumstances; He was. He showed me that faith isn't seeing but it is believing. I believed that God would provide our family with what we needed. By the third move I had really been processing my life and asking myself, "How can any of this possibly be God's plan for my life?" I was stuck in a rut but I had a peace that surpasses all understanding. It was as if God had come down himself and told me that everything was going to be okay.

          As I follow God and finding new mercies everyday I notice more and learn more about him. He points certain things out and shows me that he is always by my side. As of right now, I believe God is taking me down a path that everyone questions me about. I plan to attend Keiser University in the fall and obtain my Bachelors in Nursing. From there I plan to raise support to start my new life in Africa. I am not quite sure which part of Africa I would like to live but I know that God will show me in his timing.