My God gives and takes away <3

There's a song by Kutless called, "I'm Still Yours". It talks about how if God were to come and give one everything and suddenly take it all away; what would we do? Would we totally turn our backs from Him and reject Him? Or would we continue to fall towards His grace and mercy and let Him hold us and comfort us? Would God be enough for us? 

Two Christmas's ago we received devastating news saying that my great grandma had died unexpectedly. In that moment, everything in me broke down and it felt as if all that I had, had been ripped away from me. I questioned God, asking Him why... Why did He have to take my great grandmother away from me? 

It wasn't until a couple months ago when a dear friend past away, did I realize that no matter what we go through in life... We will always need someone to fall back on. Something that's going to be the rock to keep you up and running. That rock for me is Jesus Christ. 

We lose people in life sometimes... It's apart of life. We all have our time... For us that are still on earth, God is still trying to use. Our life is not up because our lives haven't really started yet. We question God but God wants to know; when are we going to start questioning ourselves... When will we try to see why God took that person from us? When will we see the bigger picture? Our lives are worth everything to God... Why do you think He put us here in the first place?

Sometimes God gives us everything and starts taking those blessings away to see how we will react... He wants to see that our faith is strong enough to trust that He has a plan and we are apart of that plan... The question is... Will you trust God to comfort you and to hold you? Or will you turn away from God and put your trust in yourself? Ultimately, one will remain for eternity and one will die off. What will you do when heart break hits you? 

What is Love?

The past few days I have found myself thinking about different aspecs of my life. One that kept popping up was the fact that I am lonely... I am eighteen years old and I am single. 

I found that the more I thought about it the more I felt bad about myself and all of my past and present insecurities ran through my mind, "Why doesn't anyone love me?" "Am I not pretty enough?" 

You see, we have this human mantality that says we have to have a significant other by our side at all times. And if we don't, we aren't important. But let me tell you; most, if not all, relationships that have that mantality do not last. They use each other to say, "yeah he's my boyfriend" or "yeah she's my girlfriend." They don't have love. And if you don't love then why have a relationship with that person? 

What does love mean in the human dictionary? In our dictionary, Love means an intense feeling of deep affection. But I am here to tell you that, for me, love is different. Love is putting another's needs before your own. Love is someone giving up or delaying all of their wants and desires to help the other achieve their dreams. It's noticing the others flaws and being with them anyways. 

As I was thinking about this, I realized that there is only one person in my life that has given there life for mine. And that person was Jesus Christ. He gave up his life for us. He made me and you with all of our flaws and insecurities... As He was on that cross, blood running down His body, He was thinking of you and of me. He gave up His life so that we could have EVERLASTING life. And I realized that I don't need someone standing by my side at all times because God is standing beside me, I front of me, behind me, and He is inside of me. Jesus is love. 

I have love on the inside... What more do I need? 

Life Lessons

    Another day, another week, another month, another year.... Time is what you make it. We go, too often, through life watching the time pass away, but we never see all of the life that we're throwing away. The hands are ticking as the days are passing by and we look back and wonder where did it all go? You have to grab your life by the hands and your heart by the string and turn the years, months, weeks and days back to where they became yours. Time is what you make of it so make it worth it.
    

    The words my mother always spoke to me, came racing through my mind; "Never give up. You have to keep going."
When I was younger, I had trouble concentrating. Every which way I turned, I would find myself daydreaming or attentive to everything I shouldn't have been paying attention to. I would find myself giving up and my mom would find herself telling me the same thing over and over again; "Never give up, you have to keep going."
   I struggled with this constantly and I still do. I would sit on my grandparents' couch while my mom tried to teach me my vowels and consonants. I would start to zone out and my mom would start snapping her fingers to catch my attention.

  "Megan!" She yelled. "Focus!"
The frustration overwhelmed me and I began to cry. I always felt like my mom never understood me. I desired to quit as much as the sun desires to shine.
  "Who cares about vowels and consonants anyway?" I exclaimed.
   My mother would glance at me. She said something that I hadn't heard her say before; "Giving up is the equivalent to defeat."
   In that moment, my mindset turned completely. I still had the struggle, but I learned to fight against this war raging in my mind.
   I realize now that I wouldn't be where I am today without my mother branding her intelligent words of wisdom into my skull.
   Never give up if you still have something to give.

   They say, "sticks and stones my break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
   From the age of seven to the age of sixteen, I was verbally and physically bullied. I felt as if the whole world around me was continually putting me down; ugly, fat, stupid, worthless. Those words emanated throughout my thoughts. I was the quiet girl sitting in the back of the class with very limited friends. I was labeled "the freak who never spoke". Kids would push me out of my chair and laugh at me. I came home with bruises on my sides trying to hide them from my parents.
It wasn't until later that I began to fend for myself. I began to regain my confidence and I started to feel satisfied with myself. I realized that an individual shouldn't determine my attitude or the way I feel about myself. I wished that I would have figured that out sooner because I can't go back in time and relive those years. All the time I have is right in front of me.

    In order for my dreams in life to become reality, I need not let others words keep me from achieving  my destiny.
    Sitting in a friends living room, we began to discuss my future.
   "I want to become a missionary nurse in Africa." I exclaimed. She gave me a strange look and began to make excuses for me not to go.
   "Megan, it could be dangerous. You could become sick." She proclaimed.
    In that moment I began to question whether or not I was making the right decision. I realized that no matter what she told me I had this feeling that it was the absolute right decision.
    Life is too short to fear what might be, take a chance.
  

    I used to wish the days away as if they were just items to throw away. I now realize that time is valuable.
   My grandma used to tell me, "Don't wish away your life because the next thing you know; it's gone." I wanted to grow up so much when I was young that I would pray for the day to end. I find that life is precious, and the time we wish away is now useless time spent. I am eighteen now and I wish I had my life back. It was something that I wish I had learned early on. I know I'm still young, but it's only a matter of time until I'm married and have kids of my own. We see the clock and watch the hands move like its a time warp.
    You will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.

Adoption <3

       In 2012 my family started praying about adopting a baby girl from China. Praying for God's provision and trusting that He would move us in the direction that He willed for us. Months later we received a call from a friend saying that a baby boy, living just an hour away, needed a home. Knowing that this was God's will for our family we answered the call and said yes. 

        John William fit in to our family as well as any of us fit in; he was a perfect fit. He has been living with us for he past year and he will, hopefully, become a Malin in the near future. I cannot imagine my life without this little boy. My love for him has grown tremendously. He is now two years old and keeps my mom on her toes. Being very wary, in the beginning, of how this whole "big sister" ing was going to work; I know that this has grown me as a Christian and as a sister. 

         Our China adoption is still in play. We received a call from the China adoption agency with wonderful news. After waiting about 2 years of raising money, paperwork, and fingerprinting; they found a match. Although we still have a ways to go in the money raising process, we are ecstatic. With tears in my eyes, I know that this was meant to be. Questions run through my head. But I know that those questions don't matter to God. He is in control and will provide. Piper has a clefe lip/palate. Which causes her not to get the nourishment she needs to grow properly. She is sixteen months and weighs twelve pounds. She also has delayed motor skills. I will love her no matter what. 

          I think back on the beginning of this journey and remember how scared I was. Afraid that none of this would happen or that we wouldn't raise enough funds. But through it all, God has shown me that he is the provider. If it is his will he will make it happen. If you would like to help us in the process of bringing my baby sister home I posted the link to my moms blog down below. You may donate through the "Go fund me" tab. 

http://adoptiontheheartbeatofgod.blogspot.com 

Please keep Piper in your prayers. Thank you all for your support and prayers! Love you all! 

Piper Jade

John William 

You are BEAUTIFULLY you...

This post is for anyone who has ever felt invisible. 

You may feel as if no one listens to you or you are as translucent as the air; no one cares about your hurts or your needs, but I'm here to tell you that you're not alone. Every individual on this earth has felt this way at one moment or another. 

Maybe your the girl that sits in the back of the class or the guy who never gets the girls. You may be glancing at your life as "worthless". Maybe people are telling you that your life is "worthless". Let me tell you something, "worthless" is the new "valued". Don't let others tell you that your not worth it. Those people that tell you that you aren't worth it don't understand. They don't understand how hard you worked to get to where you are today. Your not invisible. 

From the age of seven to the age of sixteen, I was bullied. I was called fat, useless, stupid, crybaby. That was just a few. I was a quiet kid that didn't have very many friends. My confidence was destroyed. They labeled me as a freak and I never stood up for myself. I let them run over me, time after time. I sat in the back of the classroom and didn't talk to anyone. Everytime I tried to open my mouth the words would get caught in the back of my throat because of fear. Fear that I would say something wrong or the fact that they would tell me to shut up or, most of all, ignore me. It began to get worse but I kept a smile on my face to hide the pain. Kids would push me out of my chair or trip me in the hallway. I was afraid to tell my parents. I slowly began to make friends that related to me. We stood up for each other. My confidence started to become my new normal. 

Throughout that period in time I realized something: 

We all have the same insecurities.

The preps, the jocks, the nerds... We all have something that ails us. The side of us that not one person knows about. 

However, there is one man that does already knows about those ailments. And He describes you with one word; B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L. He made you the way that you are. You have to think that not everyone is the same. We all have things that make us feel invisible but one day you will look back on days like today and all of this pain will be invisible. You will see that you shouldn't have worried about what others thought. Stand up for yourself. We have to realize that we are beautiful because we are different. The world would be so bland if we were all the same. You are BEAUTIFULLY you and I am BEAUTIFULLY me. Without our flaws and our insecurities we wouldn't be us. We aren't invisible. We are beautiful. Show others who you are. Be the beautiful person you were made to be. Help them see you for who you are. 

What makes life worth living??

           Many of us ask the question, "What makes my life worth living?" Some say it's their boyfriends or girlfriends, or the fact that we haven't experienced everything on our "to-do" list. For me, it is knowing that God isn't done with me yet. God has a bigger plan for my life and the feeling of knowing that makes my heart grow with excitement.
           Jeremiah 29:11 has been my favorite verse since I was thirteen. It states, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." God's plans for our lives are meant only for the best. He does nothing to hurt us. But on occasion he gives us tests to see if we will succeed in trusting in Him for everything or trusting in ourselves. These tests don't determine where we end up but they test us in a way that we grow in them. All of these tests help direct our path. If we notice God's plan and his will for our life then we will succeed. Other times we see don't recognize or we ignore God and he has to pull us back in.
            Last June I found myself in a hole (figuratively speaking). I had lost my way and all of a sudden I couldn't recognize myself anymore. I lived as if I were in charge of my life and everyone's world revolved around me. My life had been flipped upside down. I felt different on the inside but I looked normal on the outside; I hid it well. I became depressed and blamed all of my problems on others around me. I took all of my struggles into my own hands and told God that I could deal with it by myself.
             One Sunday night I walked into my youth room and I found myself face down on the floor. I looked a round to see what I had tripped over but it was too dark. I tried to get up but it felt like a ton of bricks were weighing me down. I glanced up but there was nothing there. I tried different ways to bring myself up, but it was useless. I began to panick. Not knowing what to do I prayed. In an instant the words, "do not be afraid for I am with you," came to my head. In that moment I knew that God was trying to tell me something. I could feel God sitting next to me, holding me, telling me that everything was going to be okay.
              You see, sometimes God uses different instances in our lives to draw us closer to him. It may not be right away but once he brings you back it is hard to get away from his presence. He is always with you no matter what happens. If you lose your way he brings you back and if you've never experienced the power of God I encourage you to find out. God doesn't care about your past, he cares about your future. He wants to be your father. The one you can go to no matter what. My life is worth living because my God is not done with me yet. I feel as if he is going to take me to places I've never imagined. What makes life worth living for you? And if you don't know, I encourage you to try God. 

A moment I will never forget

Looking at eyes full of hurt, tattered clothes, dirt smudged faces, and smiling lips, I realized my higher calling in life.
The Dominican Republic wasn't on my to-do list the summer of 2013. But now, sitting in an unairconditioned room filled with a hundred kids, full of laughter and singing. My eyes started to water as I thought of their lives and the pain that they go through every single day. They don't seem to realize this agonizing hurt as much as I do. I feel the tears on my cheek and a tug on my t-shirt. I hear the unfamiliar words of a different language. All I can do is smile and say, "todo va estar bien", "it's going to be okay."
         Waking up this morning was one of the hardest moments of this entire trip. It was our last day in this beautiful country. Looking out the window, I felt my stomach clench at the thought of leaving these wonderful people behind. A part of me wanted to handcuff myself to the staircase and "lose" the key. Today's schedule consisted of construction on a young single mothers home. I wasn't expecting what was to come. The emotion, the love, the gratefulness... It was as if she had never experienced anything like this. My heart sank and I held back my tears. We rebuilt her house into a home that people in this country envied. Later on that day, I found myself surrounded by a dozen kids latched on to my legs. Looking down and seeing the difference between my lifestyle and theirs, I remembered earlier that day. Seeing the tattered and torn day to day life that, from the beginning, was their everyday normal. Those children were not the, so called, "poor" ones; I was. The individuals surrounding me had each other and that was all that they needed. In the United States we have iPads, cell phones; something glued to our faces on a daily basis. Observing those kids, I craved what emitted from their presence; love. Sure, I had parents and friends that loved me, but not like this. This love was different. It was as if God was right in front of me, presenting His creation. The very thing that I had never noticed.                                                                                            
  In that moment I realized my higher calling. God hadn't brought me to this country to have a "good time" but to show me the big picture. Individuals around the world live the same life as these wonderful children. They have a longing to be loved. Loved by someone who actually cares about them. I decided that day to strive to share that love with the world, no matter how difficult it may be; this is what I was meant to do.  Life is not about how much money you produce or receiving awards. The journey that you are walking is about touching ones life in a way no one has ever done before and loving every minute of it.