Where can I go...?

Have you ever been in a lousy situation? One that takes you to a place of surrender and you break into pieces as if the glue holding you together just ceased to exist? Maybe you've felt as if everyone had abandoned you and you had no one to turn to for advice or comfort? 

And no, I'm not talking about your husband telling you to choose which kind of cake you want for your birthday... It's deeper than that. 

A little over two years ago I found myself in the midst of what felt like World War III with my heart. I made the choice to walk away from the only thing that kept me together. I walked away from the old me but more importantly, I walked away from God. I found myself giving into temptations or falling short of who I once was and it happened so fast to where I didn't see it approaching. This weight hit my shoulders and I gave up. 

I was in a battle between the old me and the me that I was becoming; I hid it well. Just like all of my problems, I tucked it into my back pocket and forgot about it for days. I just sat there while a war raged in my heart. Was it the fact that I felt helpless? I don't know. I often found myself weeping and asking God why He had left me in the midst of turmoil when in reality, I was the one who walked away.  

“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me.”

~Psalms 139:7-10

The Lord doesn't walk away. 

When you're in the midst of turmoil, or you feel as if nothing makes sense anymore, God is with you. 

He's with you in the grocery store; He's with you when you drop your kids off at the bus stop. He's with you when you don't feel Him at all. He's reaching out for you. He's waiting for you to cry out to Him. He wants you to realize how much you need Him. He is with you in the ICU or when you just don't know what to do. He's also with you when you're making the decision of which cake to eat on your birthday...

 Call out to Him and He will catch you. 

You can't hide from the Love of God... So run to it. 

Something About That Place...

There's something about their smiling faces that light up a room... There's something about the way they hold your hand. There's something about their laugh or the way they try to communicate with you. There's something about the way their eyes light up when you mention the word "food". 

There's something about knowing they have close to nothing but are still grateful for it! 

There's something about the dirt that flies in your face when they drive. There's something about the dirt roads and the tin roofs... There's something about the the concrete walls and the multicolored fences. There's something about the way they yell "bluh" or "white" as we drive down the road. 

There's something about the country of Haiti that leaves a mark on my heart. 

                  It's different... 

       What's different; you may ask. 

 

       I can honestly say that I don't know. 

Was it the way they worshiped? Hands raised, eyes closed, without a care of who was watching? 

                   Maybe... 

Or was it the way they prayed? All lifting their voices at the same time, knowing that God was going to hear every single word? 

Or maybe it was just the Holy Spirit working as He always does... He was working... There's no doubt about it. 

It could have been all of the above, but I know for a fact that this trip will cease to evacuate my memory for the rest of my life. 

                  • Five Orphanages 

                  • One Feeding Program

                  • One Morning at Ishmaels (kids program) 

                  • Five Hotel Visits (just to look) 

                  • One Teen Center/School

                  • One Overlook and Museum

                  • Multiple Markets

                  • And Eight Church Services............

I say eight church services because I feel as if wherever we went we learned something new about our Creator or we sang and worshipped our Savior. 

God was with us the entire trip; I felt Him in the Orphanages, in the church services... I could feel Him in the car rides and the walks to the market. I could feel Him in the feeding program and the Teen Center and I could feel Him in the hotel visits and at the overlook... I COULD FEEL HIM! And I still can. 

This week God has made evident the fact that my life is not my own and that's how it's supposed to be... And that's okay. I don't have to know what's going to happen every second of everyday. My plans may fall through but I rest assured that God's plans never do... My plans may not be God's plans and I'm okay with that. 

            "My mission belongs to The Lord. With all my heart I give my energy and my time      

       to the Master because I Love Him. Therefore, I'm going to look at everyday not as mine, 

                                                                but as His!" 

            "The place God calls you to is where your deep gladness and the world's deep 

                                                            hunger meet." 

                                                    ~ Frederick Buechner 

I Refuse to Sink

Life is a constant battle... It's a constant change; a mist that appears one day and vanishes the next.

 Through the last couple months a lot has changed in my life and it's continuing to change. I'm getting older and even though it doesn't seem possible I'm getting wiser as well. This year feels like it just began but it ceases to be an uphill battle. 

-I withdrew from the school that I thought I was going to graduate from. 

-I had to say goodbye to my family for 2 months. 

-I am soon to quit my job in two months. 

-And I'm moving seven hours away from what I have called home for 16 years of my life... 

Even though it seems overwhelming at points I am thankful for what God has given me... I REFUSE to sink into the depression that consumes many lives around me. I have many things to be blessed with; I refuse to look at the downs in life and never see the good. I refuse to live this life and not live it to the fullest that God intended it to be. What is life if we just stare at the destruction and occasionally glance at the blessings? We become the depression that entangles our hearts. We are in charge of our emotions; we are in charge of the way certain things change us. We have to change and stare at the blessings and meditate on them and constantly thank God for the good AND the bad. Only glance at the face of your trials and tell them that you have a BIG God. Make them run and hide. 

God has given me so much. I have a boyfriend who cares about me and knows how to make me smile when all I want to do is cry. God has shown me that family is everything and without them I wouldn't have anything. I have an amazing church family who supports me. And I have amazing friends that love me and help me stay sane. So I refuse to make my troubles an anchor in my life. I don't want to be weighed down by my troubles. I want to look to God and give Him all I have. And that's what I'm going to do. 

What about you? 

Be anxious for nothing.....

"Be anxious for nothing... Be anxious for nothing." (Philippians 4:6) 

I find myself repeating this phrase in my mind as if it's the only thing keeping the sun in its place. I have said these words so many times in the last year that it has become my backbone when situations or the "what ifs" flood my mind. 

We find ourselves stuck in the past or the future, whether it's near or far. We never really look at the here and now; we are too focused on what we did a year ago rather than where we will be in the next minute or even second. We look to five years from now and worry about whether our plans today will be blossomed into what we desire today but we don't realize that most of our minds will change by the next hour. Sure it's good to make plans... But if we aren't seeing the here and now we end up worrying about what may not even happen; we lose sight of the happiness of living in the RIgHT NOw. Our lives become the worry that overwhelms us, and by the time we open our eyes we realize that we've wasted our whole life. 

So what do we do when we are stuck in the midst of a situation? 

Looking down at the waves crashing over us isn't the answer but looking to the one who can ultimately calm the storm is our necessity. We have to cling to Jesus and cling to His promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Especially in the midst of the storm. Even if it's just worrying about what you're going to do for dinner; He is with you. 

Try thinking positively... If you don't think on the good in life you become burnt out and lose sight of what God created you to be. Look to The Lord in whatever you do and He will bless you and you will be abundantly filled with joy. 

Live in the here and now... Not the past or future. 

In the Midst of the Storm be a Paul and Silas

In the Midst of a storm Paul and Silas offered prayer of praises and sang hymns to The Lord. 

"But at midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them." (Acts 16:25)

In the midst of their trials they looked to God. They didn't give up on God just like God wouldn't give up on them. They believed wholeheartedly that God was with them and that no matter what happened God would get them through this. 

We see in verse 26 that Paul and Silas' faith and their looking to The Lord freed them...

"Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone’s chains were loosed." (Acts 16:26)

We see the full power of God in just a couple verses. They Saw God and Sought God in the midst of their trial and God set them free from all of their bonds that kept them in that prison cell. 

Do you ever look at this story and think that maybe... Just maybe we need to re-evaluate our lives when things get tough? We see Paul and Silas sitting in prison with other criminals singing praises to God and praying with all of the faith that they had. They weren't sitting there playing in the dirt... They weren't sitting there complaining. They weren't questioning God. They were PRAISING Him! 

They didn't see the storm that was raging in front of them, they saw the God who walked on water! They saw the man who healed the lame and the sick. They saw the God who is sitting on the throne in Heaven in this very hour! 

We need to re-evaluate our faith in the midst of the storm; I know I do. I am known to have a lot of faith but from time to time I find myself pulling away from what I know God desires and I become terrified and I run away. I find myself complaining and questioning God as if I have the right to question. As if I have the right to complain about where He has put me. 

I don't have the RIGHT. 

This world is lacking many Paul and Silas'... We turn our backs from the God who can bring us through and we cry and blame all of our misery on Him. Let me tell you that God is NOT the cause of all of our misery in times of trouble; we are! 

What if we all looked to God instead of at the storm? What if we looked to the one who can carry us through? I find that we will be happier. 

It says in Philippians 4:6-7

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

I don't want to be a Megan... I don't want to be scared or anxious. I want to be made new! I don't want to be the old me. I want to be LIKE Christ in everything I do. I want to run this race for Christ. I want to stop turning my face from God and pushing Him away! I want my FAITH to outweigh my anger! I want my LIFE to shine the LIGHT of Jesus and who HE is! And the Good thing about this is that we CAN be happy in the midst of trials because we KNOW the ending! Christ IS coming back and He WILL take His children with Him! And that should be enough to get us through. 

"Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14)

Press towards the calling of God. Look to Christ and He will renew your strength. He is there in times of trouble and He is there in times of happiness... He is there! All we have to do is look to Him fully and He will break our chains and loose our bonds! Become a Paul and Silas for The Lord. 

For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. (Philippians 1:21)

"Close your eyes and it'll all go away..."

"Close your eyes and it'll all go away..."

We tend to use this phrase/action for most situations... 

We see a bully push a child down and we turn our backs and pretend it never happened... 

We turn on the news and see the destruction happening overseas; even in our own country and we turn it off and go about our lives as if our world is perfect and put together. 

We see the orphan and think that we don't have the skill or the money to bring in the one who has lost all that they've had and have been abandoned by all they truly loved. We turn our eyes and take care of our own as if they are not our brothers and sisters as well...

We look at our sinful lives and acknowledge we have a problem but when someone tries to help us we deny every aspect and close our eyes to the brokenness that's left behind. 

We read about Jesus' death. We see it in movies and pictures but we close our eyes because the PAIN that He went through is TOO MUCH for US to bare... 

But one thing that ALL of these have in common is that they are all right under our noses and we turn our eyes away and say that it never happened.... But IT DID HAPPEN and it's happening RIGHT NOW! 

If we keep turning our eyes away sooner or later we become that BULLY. We become the cause of all of this DESTRUCTION. We are those ORPHANS in need of love and hope. We become the SIN that so easily ENSNARES us. 

But JESUS is the one who carries us through the murky waters! He's the one to push us through and gives us the COURAGE to confront that bully, to find a solution or the means to help the destruction overseas and in our country... He gives us the desire to love every single orphan and love all of them to the extent that Jesus loved us... He took away punishment of sin and He's giving us the liberation from those burdens and sins that weigh us down. 

He carried us to Calvary but he didn't put us on the cross... He put Himself on the Cross... A SINLESS man. 

We need to step out onto the waters and have faith that God will lead, protect, provide, and always be right beside you. Keep your eyes on the Cross; keep your head above the waters. God's hand will always be there to hold on to; never let go and He will carry you through...